In observance of this weekend’s WWE Royal Rumble – traditionally one of pro wrestling’s biggest events of the year – I’ve decided to review this infamous film.
What’s It About? After their favorite wrestler is betrayed by his manager and loses the championship belt, two dim-witted fanboys set out to meet their hero and help him take the title back.
STRAIGHT UP: So awful, its failures transcend the film. 1/10
I watched this movie just to say I did. Now I’m reviewing it for the same reason.
What’s It About? A third-rate talk show host and his producer start out with a plan to air a live interview with Kim Jong-un, and end up as part of a secret government mission to assassinate him.
STRAIGHT UP: Not especially insightful or funny. 5.5/10
Ladies and gentlemen,
As 2014 draws to a close, I’d like to take a moment to reflect on the year in the way only an amateur film critic can – by handing out some unofficial awards! I’ve chosen winners in ten categories representing the best and worst of this year’s movies. The criteria for selection were as follows:
1. The film must have premiered in 2014.
2. I must have watched the film in its entirety at some point.
Winners are listed after the break. Enjoy, and thanks for reading!
Not too many people need convincing for this one, but just in case…
What’s It About? A child prodigy assembles a team of genius college students (and one robot) to track down a mysterious villain wielding dangerous new technology.
STRAIGHT UP: Good all around, but too tightly-packed. 8.5/10
Lots of low-key hype turned this into a must-see for me.
What’s It About? When the son of a Russian crime boss steals his car and kills his dog, retired assassin John Wick sets out on a quest for revenge.
STRAIGHT UP: I loved it. Razor-sharp storytelling and action. 9.5/10
Lots of talented people in on this one. Had to give it a shot.
What’s It About? A reluctant bullfighter, Manolo Sanchez, travels to the land of the dead in search of a way to protect his hometown and win the heart of the woman he loves.
STRAIGHT UP: All style, no substance. 5.5/10
I’m not a religious man, but I make a point of seeing Nicolas Cage films.
What’s It About? When the Rapture causes millions of people worldwide to spontaneously disappear, those left behind – including airliner pilot Rayford Steele – find themselves in perilous situations.
STRAIGHT UP: Poorly made and void of interest. I hated it. 1/10
An interesting movie emerges from September’s box-office hell. Time to check it out.
What’s It About? Trapped in an unknown location, Thomas and friends must escape to the outside world by navigating a shape-shifting maze full of dangerous creatures.
STRAIGHT UP: Exciting at times, but lacks staying power. 6.5/10
I can’t even explain why I decided to watch this.
What’s It About? Four friends visit a village in the Irish countryside, where the locals secretly plan to sacrifice them to a certain carnivorous, gold-seeking monster.
STRAIGHT UP: Poor cinematography meets bland execution. 4.5/10
The classic comedy celebrated its 30th anniversary in theaters this weekend. However, this was my first time seeing it.
What’s It About? Three friends team up to start a business as paranormal exterminators, but find themselves in over their heads when dangerous ancient spirits come to town.
STRAIGHT UP: Charming and original, but rough around the edges. 8/10
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