In observance of this weekend’s WWE Royal Rumble – traditionally one of pro wrestling’s biggest events of the year – I’ve decided to review this infamous film.

What’s It About? After their favorite wrestler is betrayed by his manager and loses the championship belt, two dim-witted fanboys set out to meet their hero and help him take the title back.

STRAIGHT UP: So awful, its failures transcend the film. 1/10

What I Liked

Diamond Dallas Page – DDP is a legend in the wrestling community and I’ll hear no disrespect for him.

Rose McGowan – She’s more gorgeous than ever, even in a role that expects so little from her.

Unintentional high stakes – Although three characters are almost certainly killed during the championship cage match in the final act, this goes completely unacknowledged within the film. That’s some next-level dark humor, and I can’t help but admire it.

What I Disliked

Sean & Gordie – These guys are the film’s two protagonists, and I’m at a loss to say which one I dislike more. Sean is a lunkheaded pervert, Gordie is literally mentally retarded, and both are offensively terrible representations of “typical” wrestling fans.

Jimmy King, pro wrestler – It’s hard to imagine how this supposedly beloved people’s champion ever got any fans, what with his flabby physique, ridiculous outfit, and embarrassing penchant for spitting Run-DMC lyrics in the ring. Real-life wrestling crowds would tear this guy apart.

Jimmy King, regular guy – Minus his wrestling persona, this guy is even more pathetic. Cowardly, deadbeat, and unfunny, he’s a wholly unlikable character.

Careless storytelling – It’s no surprise that a B-movie like this would cut corners in its narrative, but Ready to Rumble hits a new low here. Characters literally appear out of nowhere; their relationships to each other are never explained. Motivations change frequently and instantly. Subplots appear and are left hanging. Resolutions are reached without effort. I’ve known middle schoolers capable of producing more fundamentally sound screenwriting.

Too much cheesecake – There’s only so many times one can cut to a Nitro Girls sexy-dance routine before it starts to feel exploitative. Also, the camera lingers for an uncomfortably long time during a scene where Sean & Gordie accidentally walk into the Nitro Girls’ dressing room.

Gordie’s “time to grow up” speech – It’s funny that the moral of the story is expressed by the character who least embodies it, and that said moral is cast aside in almost the very next scene. Who needs responsibility when you can just wrestle your problems away?

Sting not just taking the belt – Does he not want to be the champion? It was right there! All he had to do was reach up and grab it!

CLOSING THOUGHT: Ready to Rumble is bad enough on its own, but even worse when one considers the circumstances of its release and promotion. In 2000, World Championship Wrestling (WCW) was in bad shape as a company, losing money and giving up fans to WWE’s “Attitude Era” programming. This movie was supposed to be part of a promotional campaign aimed at turning things around; as it turned out, WCW couldn’t have screwed up more even if it had tried. Given that WCW funded this film and had control over the final product, there was every reason and opportunity to craft a story that made pro wrestling and its fans seem cool and inclusive. Instead, the end result was a movie that did tremendous damage to the sport’s public image and embarrassed even hardcore fans. Worse yet, WCW awarded its heavyweight championship belt to David Arquette, one of the actors in the film, in April of 2000 – a misguided publicity stunt that angered fans and further damaged the company’s image, given that Arquette had never wrestled a day in his life. WCW wouldn’t survive another year after the release of Ready to Rumble, so it’s safe to say that this movie played a significant role in sinking what was once the most profitable wrestling company in history.